Thursday, November 06, 2014

A body of work

In this week's issue of Closer magazine, there is an article about a woman who had sex with 50 strangers in the back of a lorry. My first reaction was, '50 people? Who has the energy?' Then, bizarrely (in terms of how one's mind works), I wondered if she owned the lorry, did she live in it, was there a bed in it? Having read the article it turns out that Rebecca is doing a tour around England as part of an adult TV show, and the people she sleeps with are members of the public who have won a competition to have sex with her. Apparently over 2000 people (men, women and couples) applied for the opportunity. Ahead of the liaison in the back of said lorry, they are all stringently checked for STI's. Rebecca says she's a single mother and this, along with her career as a porn actress, affords her the ability to send her children to private school, have a four bed home, and they all go on nice holidays together.  She calls it harmless fun. 

Fair enough. She seems in charge of her vagina and how she uses it. I'd be interested to see what the magazine's readership reaction to this will be in next week's letters section. Most of the time the magazine has articles about people who are about to have their 12th baby and are pictured seated on a large sofa in their council house with their rugby team brood looking defiantly at the camera. The blurb shouts out: 'I'm not ashamed to live off of the state and I'm going to keep having babies!'. That gets people really heated. Rebecca only has two children and she supports herself. Although having featured her vocation in a popular magazine, I wonder how the school run is going to be for her? Personally I'd be keen on a coffee with Rebecca - I have a lot of questions.  
The full article is by Miranda Knox in 
Closer magazine, 1-7 November 2014.

In my life sculpture class we are working on a nude of a woman. The model is Rubenesque in build and has terrific confidence especially considering that yesterday, our first class with her, she had to disrobe in front of effectively a group of strangers on a cold Wednesday morning in a dusty old art room. At the coffee break she told me that posing has given her a lot of confidence and helped her deal with her body issues, 'Especially as I am a larger woman.' She's beautiful, warm and approachable, and I liked her immediately. I told her I don't even walk around naked at home, apart from say between the bathroom and the bedroom, and even then I tend to cover up with a towel or dressing gown. Naked has never really been my thing, and forget going topless on a beach. I am always curious about nudists who say that wearing clothes feels genuinely unnatural for them. For me it is the opposite.

My children are talking about Christmas, a lot. Every commercial on television adds another toy to their list. Every now and then I get a notepad and paper and ask them to tell me what three things they would really love, which is a pointless exercise. They um and ah, start conversing with each other, and then rattle off some plastic crap they saw on a recent You Tube toy review clip or ad break. Last night I told them that when I was a child we never got toys except on our birthday or Christmas, so when I was asked, I knew EXACTLY what I wanted, and even then I wasn't always guaranteed to get the things on my list. For some reason my parents continually overlooked the note, in bold, double underlined, and with stars and hearts around it which read: "The entire Tinkerbell hair and makeup line please."

I've written before about my feelings when it comes to Christmas. This year I'm trying not to be cynical about the occasion. And in truth, having children does make you that much more enthusiastic, and dare I say it, a little excited about the process on their behalf. We put up our tree at the start of December because the television and stores are advertising stuff from October already, so I can only push it as far as the 1st of December before there is a coup d'état in our house. And decorating the tree is a very big deal for the children, although this year we will have to work around our lunatic cat who attacks the belt on my dressing gown in the morning, never mind a tree full of sparkly dangly things. Then there is the obvious lingering guilt about lying to the children, yet again, about the existence of Santa, the toy making sweat shop elves, and the reindeers, and how Santa gets down the chimney. Understandably, my son cannot wrap his head around how a rotund Santa fits down our chimney. "Magic, I respond, it's magic." Not unlike me undertaking that painful and almost impossible feat of engineering that is squeezing myself into a pair of Spanx.

And of course I am guilty of using Santa and presents to extort better behaviour out of my children from about October onwards, which I appreciate is wrong, but I guess it could be worse. As a child I got the back of hand on my backside when I misbehaved - so a bit of extortion is probably OK. I have a sneaking suspicion my daughter who is going to be seven soon, has her suspicions about the whole Santa thing and that it might just be a story, but she's smart enough to go with the flow and milk it.


I showed my Pilates teacher a photo of the internet sensation that is Jen Selter's bottom. This woman has an amazing backside, apparently voted the best bottom in the USA and so famous that it is allegedly making Kim Kardashian very nervous about her own backside being usurped in popularity. I clicked on a few photos of Selter's bottom and showed my teacher: "See this one, look at it here, and this one, isn't that amazing?" I thought that by showing her the pictures I could indicate my desire to have a bottom like that although I don't actually want to do anything particularly strenuous to achieve it. Like so many people these days I'm after the quick fix that doesn't actually exist. My instructor told me that the bottom is a muscle mass and with work one can actually shape it, as Selter evidently has. And as it happens, most of Selter's photos are of her unbelievably shaped derriere in work out clothes at the gym and in the process of exercising. My teacher looked at my excited expectant expression - not unlike someone that is hoping to win a car on the Oprah Winfrey Show - smiled sweetly and said, 'Yeah, well, OK, you can work towards that, although a lot of it is genetic.' Later I reflected on this while eating a ham and cheese sandwich and drinking a cup of tea.