Friday, October 03, 2008

The rod and rat

According to a recent survey, one in five teachers in the UK said they would like corporal punishment to be brought back to deal with extreme cases, i.e.spawns of the devil.

I think teaching the kids, some of whom are of a violent inclination already, that violence is a solution to a problem, is a mistake. I reckon they are better off getting Harvey, from Celebrity Fit Club, to make them drop and give 50. I'd go one further and say instead of detention they should train them up to be a lethal fighting machine. Channel those anti-social tendencies and have them do work experience shadowing prison wardens. It's a win win situation, on the one hand they see what the fruits of their criminal labours will lead to if they don't curb their ways, and on the other they get to see the very rewarding side of dealing with violent unruly types on a day to day basis.

For less violent more intellectual types. i.e aspiring criminal masterminds, there's the computer science department. Expert hackers are always in great demand. And for the less ambitious and merely aspiring thugs, there's work in the school fruit and veg allotment.

Bring back the rod indeed.

I visited my stylist yesterday for my regular six week appointment to maintain my natural blondness, as you do. I asked him if the salon was feeling the effects of the credit crunch. I ask everyone this as I'm really interested to know how people are being effected down the line from the big banks. And just a quick aside, people who view the downfall of the big American banks with the attitude of 'They were fat cats and they deserved what they got' are shortsighted. It starts with these guys and then it effects business that are associated with them, which eventually effects the man in the street. So big business losses like this are never a good thing, regardless of your feelings for the people that work in them.

Anyway, I digress, my stylist told me that business has in fact been better than ever (it's a new salon) and last month was one of their best ones.

Winter is creeping up on us, and I hate waking up when it's still dark. It feels like the middle of the night to me, and as though I am the only person alive that is walking around fixing bottles and changing nappies at that ungodly hour.

Our rat situation hangs in the balance. Rentokil have to come round and do their third and final visit. This should have happened ages ago but we went on holiday, and then I procrastinated for a couple of weeks, and now Adam, the Rentokil technician, is on vacation. I can still smell a faint odour of ammonia (i.e. rat urine) coming up from the drain in the kitchen, accompanied by another sweeter perfume (Adam's smelly sachets used to mask the stench).

I am reading a fantastic book right know, called 'Holidays in Hell' by P.J O' Rourke. Featuring chapters such as 'A Ramble through Lebanon' and 'Christmas in El Salvador'. I love this kind of gonzo-journalistic travel writing, and done with a such a brilliant sardonic touch. I'm thinking of writing and pointing him in the direction of Centre Parcs - there may be an interesting chapter in that should he ever do a follow-up book.

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