Sunday, October 19, 2008

McDonalds, Lesbians, and Love Affirmation Ceremonies

There are some role play toys that inspire future greatness in children. A doctor's kit for example, a fire fighter's outfit, a Lightsaber. Then there's the McDonalds Drive-Thru play center I encountered on a recent visit to Toys R Us. Wtf? If this is as high as the kids of today are aiming, it worries me. There is no way in hell Julia is going to work at a McDonalds! It's Gourmet Burger or nothing, she's been warned.

In this week's issue of OK! magazine, the perma-tanned Jordan aka Katie Price, and her husband Peter share their photo-op intimate 'Love Affirmation Ceremony' pictures with, well, everyone. Very intimate indeed. Katie also tells readers that they are NOT GETTING DIVORCED, no matter what you may see in the magazines. Sorry guys!

The copy reads, 'In keeping with the natural surroundings they decided to forgo the extravagance of their wedding day, exchanging a fuchsia-pink, rose-oil infused, Swarovski crystal-encrusted marquee for the wild expanses of Africa, and hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of wedding ring diamonds for simple leather bands which they plaited themselves.' (OK Magazine October 21 Issue 645)

That single sentence pretty much tells you everything you need to know about the couple.

Yes, and they really did forgo any extravagance this time round and beautifully blended in with the understated yet breathtaking African bush. But forget simple white cotton kaftan's or whatever it is people think white folks wear in Africa, Katie went one further by sporting something between a strippers outfit and a ball gown. The sequenced bodice open to the belly with an enormous amount of cleavage on display, and a ten ton tiara fit for a drag-queen. Peter is wearing an all white suit (with white tie), but fortunately for him, the shoes are at least tan.

What I wonder, seriously, is whether or not they are having a laugh (all the way to the bank), or if this kind of chintzy camp crap is really what they're about. And what's worse, the fact that this stuff appears in OK all the time and sells a shit-load of copies makes me think that perhaps it must be, in some way, aspirational to or representative of at least a segment of the English population. Worrying.

I've found a babysitter for Julia. Yep, praise the lord. I thought I would be a lot more relaxed about it, especially after our wonderful initial experience with our maternity nurse Elizabeth. But unfortunately I succumbed to parental paranoia and found the idea of entrusting our daughter to someone else, even to watch her sleep, quite simply frightening.

I suppose this is a good thing in some ways, but it also doesn't bode well for one's marriage. You need time together as a couple outside of the house at least once a week, minus clothes that have Petit Filous on them. Roberto is over the moon, and we've set up a standing one night a week with our sitter. That, along with going out once a week each (while the other stays in), means we're pretty much back to pre-baby socialising.

Well, pretty much, except of course for the hangovers. I don't know why, but it's just not kosher to be a mum that goes out on the lash and drinks her own body weight in vodka. Also, there's only so long you can get away with, 'Mummy has a migraine' before your toddler starts cottoning on. Kids of today are far too smart for their own good.

And finally, for those of you that got excited about the fact that Jodie Marsh's 5 minute wedding is no longer, I'm afraid I have bad news, she's still off the market. Jodie is now very happily in a lesbian relationship with her hairdresser, Nina. Same sex couples everywhere that have long struggled to have their lifestyle's and choices accepted and respected will be overjoyed to hear Jodie's own proud and heartfelt testament, 'If I'm going to watch porn, I'll only watch girl on girl - 2 girls together turn me on,' according to Now Magazine. If that's not gay pride, then I don't know what is.

Of course it's not enough for Jodie to just get on with the business of eschewing men and have a relationship in private, she has to snog the poor woman in front of the paps to ensure we all get the point loud and clear. I could be completely wrong here, but I'm getting a very strong shock factor vibe from all of this and have a feeling Nina is going to get chucked on the pile with the rest of Jodie's exes, accompanied by a venomous blog tirade of course.

Thank god for date night, from the subject matter of this entry it's evident I need to get out more.

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