Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Lily Allen versus Cheryl Cole

The thing with fights between women, is that they are never happy until blood is drawn. I know, because I've been watching Cycle 8 of America's Next Top Model, and trust me, there are some valuable tips on the art of psychological torture. And I'm not just talking about having to look at Tyra's various unattractive weave ensembles either.

I don't know what it is about women - but we fight dirty. Forget sitting down and having a conversation about what's annoying us. No, far better to just assume that the person concerned intentionally slighted or insulted us, and thereby hates us, and to wage full-blown war and an eternal grudge. Jordan versus Kerry Katona anyone?

The latest to stay loyal to the species are Lily Allen and Cheryl Cole (formerly Tweedy). It's a long, stupid, boring story (these things often are), but it's making the headlines, so bare with me:

Apparently Lily wrote a song about Cheryl and how everyone wants to look like her. Now even though Cheryl is stereotypically attractive, if you know Lily and her music, you'd guess she did it with tongue firmly lodged in cheek. Cheryl returned the complement by saying, "Because everyone wants to look like her. Chick with a dick. She's either talking shit or talking about someone else. Asshole."

Recently Allen had some sort of mini breakdown on her Myspace about her weight and her appearance, and started talking about wanting lipo and gastric bypass surgery. She blamed constant comparisons to Kate Moss (I kid you not), and Cheryl's comment for driving her to all this self-loathing. In a follow up to this, she then said the following:
"I know I've said bad things about people in the past , though the majority of them have been blown wayyyy out of proportion , but this i mean - Cheryl if you're reading this , I may not be as pretty as you but at least I write and SING my own songs without the aid of autotune. I must say taking your clothes off, doing sexy dancing and marrying a rich footballer must be very gratifying, your mother must be so proud , stupid bitch.
Now some might say, this whole down and out time may have been an opportunity for her to set things to right. I mean she did start by saying, "I know I've said bad things about people in the past ..." And then what does she go and do? She says some more bad shit about Cheryl, and you just know Cheryl is going to come back on this one. Girlfriend should have left well enough alone.

Lily, for what it's worth, I read the big American blogs daily, and everyone knows who you are, but lots of people had no clue who Cheryl Cole/Tweedy was. She may be pretty, but you, my dear, have cracked the United States, and you can bet your lovely rounded ass that wins hands up. Stop worrying about the size of your waistline and getting into cat fights, and get back to being an artist, which is what got you where you are now.


Picture source

1 comment:

Tartley said...

>> everyone knows who you are

For the record, I don't. In fact, I love your blog precisely for keeping me (very distantly) in touch, since otherwise I wouldn't have heard of anyone you write about, excepting perhaps Prince William (not Kate wossname though) and Paris Hilton (I saw this video once... :-)

Big hugs!