Saturday, January 06, 2007

Ralph Fiennes is no longer on my list

I have to admit, I feel kind of weird posting about this, because it's well, I don't know, the sort of thing that one doesn't usually talk about. Also, it's totally put me off Ralph Fiennes - someone who until today was high up on my celeb perve list, along with Colin Firth, Clive Owen, and newly-added Daniel Craig.

Anyway, I digress. According to Holy Moly:

Film sets, as Michelle Pfeiffer can testify, are notorious for the long breaks between the action, so it's refreshing to see that Ralph Fiennes had a novel way of beating the boredom on the last Harry Potter movie.

By wanking like a Bonobo monkey in his trailer between takes.

The runners were employed by Ralph to courier porn videos to his trailer. Under strict instructions not to be disturbed he would then belt out some baby gravy whilst strumming himself softly to some high quality clacker action.

It appears that the Abi Titmuss tape was his favourite (and was helpfully supplied by another actor on set) and would be watched a minimum of two times before another runner was summoned to return the tape to its owner.

To the untrained eye it was simply another actor watching films in his trailer, which was certainly the impression Ralph thought he was giving. Unfortunately, the runners took the opportunity to check these videos for themselves and were suitably impressed by the fact that every single one was a grot flick rather than a Merchant Ivory.

Poor Ralph was unaware that he was the daily topic of conversation amongst the increasingly-amused runners, discussing his Philosopher's bone.

I'm not one to knock someone's hobbies, but this (if it's true) sounds a bit more like an all-consuming occupation. It's somewhat disturbing, and let's face it, more the sort of thing you associate with frustrated teenage boys than someone whom you'd expect to be reading Proust in his free time.

Photo c/o handson.provocateuse

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