Tuesday, December 05, 2006

And so and so

I suppose there's something to be said for that fact that despite my thought provoking philosophical gems, my blog never really generates serious traffic. Then one day it occurs to me to link to pictures of Britney Spears's crotch, and suddenly I'm very popular.

I feel like the girl as school who smokes in the loo during lunch breaks, and shows guys her lacy size 32A bra for a fiver. Yes people, I feel cheap - cheap and used, and what's worse - it feels good.

I'm aware that my blog has been more link-blog lately, and less it's usual pedantic self, and for that, I apologise profusely. The thing is, I've been in an awful funk since getting back from South Africa. I spent a week not blow drying my hair or wearing any makeup while I was there, and I think it messed with my wiring.

I realised things had to change when I attended my friend Jane's birthday on Friday night, and instead of getting wasted, flirting, and saying embarrassing things as I usually do, I sat on her sofa smoking cigarettes, and boring the crap out of my good friend Cath with all that I think is wrong with the world. And we weren't just talking spiral perms and blue eyeshadow either. This was serious stuff. Fortunately I managed to shut up long enough to be introduced to a war reporter from Time Magazine who actually knows what human suffering is. It was a close call.

The problem with my depressions is that they don't just extend to my own issues - they take on global proportions. I start thinking about all the people that are dying thanks to religious/money wars, kids and animals that gets their bones broken and worse by sick twisted fucks, the fact that supermarkets in the West throw out so much food every day and there are people on the other side of the world starving to death, the piles and piles of disposable nappies and other garbage that is piling up and is not biodegradable - and the list goes on. I get myself into such a funk that I don't want to leave the house, talk to anyone, and feel enormously guilty if I wake up happy in the morning. It's a bad cycle, and ultimately doesn't do anyone any good - but there you go. While some people prefer a leg iron, I read the papers and smoke.

Tomorrow I'm going to go and run on the treadmill at the gym, because my body is full of toxins, and I think the physical pain of sore stiff limbs that will inevitably follow is preferable to the shit that I torture myself with mentally. Oh, and there's always the chance that Britney will go out and not wear any knickers, and then I can continue to deflect by linking to that and other trivial shyte. Here's hoping.

3 comments:

DrD said...

Chockie,
You can feel better about the disposable nappies in the landfills.(see link below)
A great relief to the consciouses of those of us who are contemplating having babies.
http://www.sustainabilityinstitute.org/dhm_archive/index.php?display_article=vn321diapersed

Anonymous said...

Great photo!

letters from london said...

Thanks for the link - but it takes me to the home page. Is there a specific article you are referring to?